I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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