just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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