upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
