apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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