Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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