Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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