Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wear drunk well.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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