Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
