He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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