ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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