Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
