After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
