I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize