His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she peed on how many people?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
