ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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