Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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