we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
