When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
