is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Everyone says I win the strip club
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
