Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
