i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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