her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
