Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
