I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
