Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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