he puts the penis in happiness.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
