My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My Higher Power is John Stamos
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
