VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
