So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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