The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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