My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
