I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize