So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
