her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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