Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
