chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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