Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
