I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
