all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
