Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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