what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
