We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
