Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
