I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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