Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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