That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize