I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
