i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
