if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there was a trapeze. enough said
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am one with the molecules
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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