My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
