i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
