dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
