while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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