Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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