Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
