Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
