bring money and cleavage
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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