Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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