four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
