Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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