she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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