you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
