Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's rum buckets o'clock
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
