You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
