you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
