There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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