my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize