covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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