I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Come on in and take your pants off
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