God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
