This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
