I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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