The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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