I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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