Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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