drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize