So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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