3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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