I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
