You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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