My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My pussy is not your playground.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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