literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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