I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
