good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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