she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We need to get me chipped asap
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