Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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