You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
