Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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