I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
