i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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