I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize